Banter – just a bit of fun right? Bit of bants between mates? Perhaps you consider yourself to be the Archbishop of Banterbury?

Well we’re going to have to stop your banter bus right there and ask you a question – do you know when banter becomes bullying?

It’s surprisingly hard to define the differences between banter and bullying, partly because they are so subjective to the individual experiencing them. What might be banter for one person could be experienced as bullying to another! The key is knowing how to recognise the difference in each individual case and behave appropriately.

A good definition of banter is the shared joking and teasing between friends, who each have equal power and are each giving and taking a fair share of the teasing. Banter could become bullying when there is an inbalance of power, or when one person is receiving more of the teasing than anyone else.

If someone seems to get teased more than others, or is the repeated target of a joke, then it’s not really banter anymore. That person is being singled out and is not giving back a fair share of the teasing in order to class it as banter.

Banter should be between people equal in power, and should also be equal in terms of give and take. Anything other than this and we could be verging onto bullying.

The subject of banter could sometimes be constituted as bullying, irrespective of the persons intention! Negative language or behaviour targeting any of the protected characteristics under the Equality Act 2010 are always considered inappropriate, irrespective of the bullying/banter debate. These are age, disability, gender reassignment, marriage and civil partnership, pregnancy and maternity, race, religion or belief, gender or sexual orientation.

If a person involved in banter has an insecurity or problem with a particular subject, it would not be banter to tease about this subject. For example, if someone was concerned about their weight then it would not be funny to tease about this, even if they appeared to be joining in. Just because someone chooses certain words to use about themselves, it doesn’t give others the right to use those words too.

One definition of bullying says that bantering becomes bullying once the person giving the insult has the intention of causing harm or upset. But does their intention really matter? If someone is offended by a comment (even if by accident) – it’s no longer a joke and can no longer be considered banter.

Another definition of bullying is that it is hurtful, repetitive and intentional. If a comment offended someone (even by accident), repeated use of that comment becomes hurtful and intentional.

Often people will not be confident enough to stand up for themselves if they are hurt by something. They don’t want to be considered someone who can’t take a joke, so will often laugh along so as not to draw attention to themselves. This means that everyone is still under the illusion that this is banter, not bullying, and it will only be reinforced!

Don’t be a bystander – if you suspect that some banter has become offensive to anyone involved, don’t laugh. Even better – call it out! Just because someone calls it banter, doesn’t mean it IS banter!

Unfortunately, this is an issue this exists in many workplaces but this conversation very rarely takes place. People actually don’t even consider that their ‘banter’ might now actually be bullying. If they did, most of them would have stopped, for no-one wants to be a bully!

What matters is whether or not an organisation allows a culture of bullying to take place. If there is some awareness of this issue at an organisational level, banter that verges on bullying can be stopped in its tracks. Even better, banter would not become bullying because staff members would be able to recognise these behaviours before they take place.

If you’re reading this and wondering if you need to address a bullying problem in your organisation, talk to us! We have been working with organisations large and small for decades, helping to decipher exactly what is actually going on, finding a solution and then working closely to instill change across the organisation so that it is something which is actually embedded and not just talked about. Get in touch with Richard at Brightstone today!